Welcome to My World

‘Hello, live call back . . .’

‘I, um, I want someone to talk to.’

‘Sure. We’ve got girls from sixteen to seventy-three. And we talk about anything.’

‘I want, well, I want someone to talk dirty to me.’

‘We’ll be glad to, baby. Tell me, what’s your fantasy?’


Welcome to the weird and wonderful world of adult chat phone lines, or live phone sex. Welcome to my world.

I’m many men’s dirty little secret. The woman who makes deepest, darkest desires a reality. The woman who teases, drives, rides, makes men explode with mind-blowing intensity. The woman who knows what’s lurking in the depths of the male mind – when a girlfriend catches her bloke staring vacantly and asks, ‘What are you thinking, darling?’, I know, oh how I know.

If you met me in the street, you’d see a rather refined, intelligent, pleasant lady – a plump, fifty-something housewife. But if you gave me a call, you’d meet someone very different indeed.

I’m whoever, whatever a man wants me to be. To my callers – the Toms, Dicks (literally) and Harrys – I’m any age between sixteen and seventy-three. I have blue eyes, green eyes, brown eyes. I have blonde hair, brown hair, red hair, grey hair, long hair, short hair, straight hair, curly hair. I have big tits, small tits, pert tits, saggy tits. I’m impossibly tall and slim; I’m fat and soft and smothering. I’m hard and controlling and confident; I’m innocent and submissive. I’m anything and everything, and I’m sexy as hell.

I cater to just about every fantasy. The most common are pretty tame – sex with a schoolgirl, being dominated by a woman, watching lesbians. Then there are the forbidden fruits like schoolgirls, S&M, incest and bestiality. Some of these subjects are of great curiosity to most men, and curiosity is really all it is. For others, their frustration haunts them daily until I help them find release.

Whatever their fetish, fantasy or obsession, men need and will always need women like me to set them free of their tormenting demons so they can go about their daily lives rid of the obsessive, horny thoughts that secretly lie within them. This desperate need they have, which most men find so shameful, is what makes live callback companies and premium rate lines such a thriving industry.

It isn’t nearly as depraved as it sounds, taking dirty calls for a living. On the contrary, most of the guys that come through are just your normal, everyday Joes. Nice blokes with naughty thoughts.

And there is a lighter side to the darkness that hides within the heart of man, a lightness that I hope will shine through as I recount the tales of a dirty Gerty who grew up to be a chat girl and the men who call her to fulfil their darkest desires.

Before we begin, dear callers, I dedicate this book to you. You’re dirty, you’re kinky, you’re downright hilarious sometimes. My kind of man.